can't sleep. don't you wonder whether it might be easier, and yet also extremely difficult, to leave everything you know, and start over somewhere else? i wish things and times are easier to let go. been thinking about that for a bit, and yet, i don't have the courage to. yep, for all the courage and strength people think i have, i don't.
i don't know where i need to be now. i don't know where He wants me to be now either. i feel like a hamster in that wheel that keeps going, but goes nowhere. what keeps me here? hope? hope for something different? hope for a future? certainly not a hope for things to remain the same. interesting how much you learn about yourself from watching tv. finished the last 2 episodes of grey's anatomy tonight. christina was going to marry burke because that's what he wanted. also because she loved him, but seems to be more so because that's what he wanted from her.
am i still here because i want to? or because this is what people want from me? i don't want to let go of the the little hope that i do have. maybe that's it for now. unless i get a sign. ha ha, a sign. that sound so trite, doesn't it?