can't sleep. don't you wonder whether it might be easier, and yet also extremely difficult, to leave everything you know, and start over somewhere else? i wish things and times are easier to let go. been thinking about that for a bit, and yet, i don't have the courage to. yep, for all the courage and strength people think i have, i don't.
i don't know where i need to be now. i don't know where He wants me to be now either. i feel like a hamster in that wheel that keeps going, but goes nowhere. what keeps me here? hope? hope for something different? hope for a future? certainly not a hope for things to remain the same. interesting how much you learn about yourself from watching tv. finished the last 2 episodes of grey's anatomy tonight. christina was going to marry burke because that's what he wanted. also because she loved him, but seems to be more so because that's what he wanted from her.
am i still here because i want to? or because this is what people want from me? i don't want to let go of the the little hope that i do have. maybe that's it for now. unless i get a sign. ha ha, a sign. that sound so trite, doesn't it?

mother - daughter

i guess it's pretty difficult to teach or educate your parents about things we take for granted. i had an argument with my mom tonight. my sister called her to talk to her about a problem she's having, and i think she just wanted my mom to listen to her, to affirm what she's saying. she said she listened to her "foolish rants". and then raised her voice to her saying that she should just take care of it.
after they got off the phone, i told my mom that my sister just wanted someone to listen to her. can't she just listen to her? she said no, because she did that a few days ago when she called about a similar problem. i told her that she could just listen to her, and not yell at her. that's all she really wants.
unfortunately, i then raised my voice with my mom to reiterate the above.
sometimes you just want someone to listen. and not tell you what to do.